My High School Experience

        Throughout my entire four years of high school, I have changed my clothes, my hair, my friends, and my career goals multiple times, but that’s just what happens when you’re creating yourself.

     High school is the time to really find things that you love and be passionate about. When I was a freshman, I was coming out of my personal dark ages and I experienced the first year of high school on my own. Basically, it felt like I was a lamb thrown in with a dozen lions. It was terrifying. My freshman year was a huge wake-up call to me. I lost so many friends, but I also gained some life long ones as well. During the first year, I made so many mistakes and got in trouble for things that I can’t even believe I had done. But those mistakes have shaped my life in so many ways. I can honestly say that those mistakes have shaped me into a better person. Throughout these four years in high school, I have gained so much knowledge about life in general, not just from the text books.

     The first two years of high school are the years of self-development. You find people that like the same things that you do, and you finally get to experience what it’s like to be viewed as something other than a child. Your music tastes will change, your clothes will change, and the way you view yourself will change, but changing is not a bad thing.

     Junior year is all about growing up. Where do you want to go, what do you want to be, and how are you going to get there? Even now, I have no idea. As a child, I remember wanting to be a reporter. I walked down the steps of my old house and told my family the entire week’s forecast. Made-up of course. I wanted to be on television. Then as the years progressed, I developed a passion for writing. It became a way of self-expression that I desperately needed. I think that I don’t love writing as I once did, because I don’t need it anymore. I don’t feel like my life depends on a few words, or that I need to live in a different reality to survive. I write just to write.

     There was this one time in my life where I would randomly just spit out careers that I wanted to go into. I had like three a day for a few months. My parents got a kick out of it. They thought I was crazy. I remember wanting to be a model, an author, a baker, and lawyer. My careers had no similarities. I just wanted to be everything. As I grow older, I find that my passion is to help others, but doesn’t everyone? Some think they’re going to be teachers, doctors, or even go into the army. But I don’t do blood, and I can’t be the center of attention. Sure, I can use firearms, but in no way could I ever mentally recover after ending someone’s life. Shoot, I can’t even hold it together when I see road kill. Lol

     These past four years have taught me that people are going to enter and leave your life as they please, and that it’s okay to not know what to do. I have struggled so much THIS year trying to find something that I could excel in the rest of my life. I wanted to know my exact timeline for the next 10 years of my life. Where am I going to college? What am I going to major in? Who am I going to marry? Will I ever fall in love? Will I have an apartment, or a house? Will I ever travel the world? I have so many questions, and my patience is getting so thin. Deep down I wish I could just know everything. I wish I knew all the answers, and didn’t have to try so hard to be an average person. Get good grades, have a job, be the best, clean the house, don’t be a bad daughter. I live by such a concrete foundation, that I have no ability to move and explore life. Sometimes I think that if I could just travel the world, that I would gain so much life experience that I could write something decent. A huge part about writing is being good at it and having good content. So, when everyone asks me what I want to do with my life, I tell them I want to travel and write. But, will that give me the satisfaction that I am so desperately searching for?

     High school is the time for mistakes. It’s the time to mess up royally while you still have people to lend a helping hand. No matter what happens, life goes on.

     The past four years of high school have been so crazy. Now, as a senior, I am realizing that as badly as I wanted to be an adult, I am not ready. I do not want to leave. I don’t want to grow up and be all alone again. It’s so depressing to think I am 1/3 of the way done with my senior year. I will be graduating seven months from now. I could fall asleep tonight and wake up standing on the stage in front of the entire 2015 graduating class and be handed my diploma. Some days I can’t wait to be graduated, and on to bigger things in my life. But the future scares me. I am so unsure about everything. Life in general is terrifying. You don’t get to control anything, and I need that stability… I have grown up with these people and after I graduate, I will have to grow up with a whole different group of people. I have made so many friends this year, and it’s just so sad to have everything ending so soon. These four years in high school have been the best years of my life. Even when I had my occasional monumental melt downs, I am so thankful for the experiences I have had.  I am so glad I am alive today.